GIGS FROM HELL
Sleazegrinder, editor
Headpress

Subtitled True Tales of Rock and Roll Gone Wrong, editor Sleazegrinder (a "speedball music writer", apparently) has gathered together a plethora of sordid moments of excess, drug-taking and drunkenness, plus the odd bit of sexual deviancy, from accounts submitted by "hundreds of jobbing bands" on the road. That's the myth...

Yet, what really lurks (and irks) amongst the many accounts here is the unreliability of ageing motor vehicles, the constant bullshit from rip-off promoters and, more disconcertingly, the violence that surrounds so many gigs. Rock 'n' roll has always been a cathartic experience, but it also inspires many performers and audience members to indulge in hedonistic, drugs 'n' drink fuelled acts of wilful violence and destruction... and that's just the people that want to enjoy themselves!

Sleazegrinder informs us that "Rock is the only true anarchy, a roving, mobile circus of horrors with an intensity level that's dictated by the whims of madmen and deranged drunks". Er, right. What's more, he deliberately chose to only include the kind of bands he likes. Which means "Sleaze Metal, Glam Punk, Stoner rock, Cowpunk, Trash rock and the ever popular plain old "rawk" is in, whilst "new fangled nu-metal, pussy emo, or pre-fab pop punk bands" are out. Fair enough, Sleazegrinder is the man in charge. However, this also limits the range of the entries and means that the vast majority of the bands tend to be ones you've never heard of (many are of the garage variety from Scandinavia), and as the editor admits "a good portion of these bands will have already imploded" by the time the book was published. Thus, the best known contributors are late Seventies punks RUDI from Belfast, Less Than Zero, indie things Snowpony, hardcore punks the Dayglo Abortions, Gold Blade, Thor (yes, the muscle bound metalhead) and The Beatings. RUDI's scary experiences in Ireland (North and South of the border) and anecdotes about London's Hellhole music dives are harrowing enough for a book in itself. Besides, their ridicule and contempt for "cartoon punk combo" Stiff Little Fingers and "immodest man" Jake Burns is highly entertaining too, even if it's probably based entirely on jealousy.

Oddly, for a book entitled Gigs from Hell, a fair degree of the entries cover shows that might be considered pretty tough going but nonetheless seem to have been enjoyable - albeit in a tawdry way - for both audience and band. These include girl band Porn Rock's Dutch festival appearance when, drenched in beer and playing Twister on stage, they ended up naked yet defiantly in control of a crowd chanting: "Porn Rock!, Porn Rock!" Many entries, like the band names, are amusing (the mushed mouse stuck to Lust lady Susanne Gibboney's face has to be my fave), whilst a few are mildly revolting, such as the Trailer Park Sex Cowboys spunk cocktail that a brave yet brainless female fan gulped down. Despite a few nondescript yarns that don't seem to merit inclusion, the vast majority of the material here is the very essence of what being in a rock 'n' roll band entails.

Unfortunately, as I have already indicated, the real gigs from Hell are those that involved the threat of violence, actual violence or the very real danger of a fatality. Surely, rock 'n' roll isn't worth dying for at the hands of mindless, drunken oafs? Well, as Richard King's nightmare in Corby testifies, it can come pretty close and blood soaked tales like his and psychobilly band Big John Bates' injuries at a Canadian punk festival are the ones that tend to stick in the mind after you've put the book down. And sometimes, its the band members themselves that start the trouble, as the sorry story of Seth from Anal Cunt's behaviour at another band's gig apparently proves.

They say that most music critics are really just rock star wannabes. Possessing zero musical talent myself (couldn't even manage to master the four strings on a bass guitar) I'm tempted to agree. Yet, having read the accounts of squalid conditions on the road in Gigs from Hell, maybe it was for the best. If anything, this book serves as a reminder of the sheer bloody determination and stamina of many of the "jobbing" bands that make up the rock world. Just how so many of them manage to remain indifferent to the adversities that they face, the sheer chaos of their nomadic, tribal existence and the inevitable financial hardships is impressive beyond belief. You'd have to be half mad to do it! Cheers to you all...

ADRIAN LUTHER-SMITH

BUY IT NOW (UK)